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Are You Headed for a Disaster?

Many women marry the man of their dreams, only to find that he's a living nightmare with a violent temper and an abusive streak.

When starting a new relationship, don't be so starry-eyed that you fail to recognize the obvious traits of an abusive personality. Remember that you don't have to become black and blue to be abused. If you answer "yes" to the majority of questions below, turn to a counselor for help before the relationship turns on you.

bullet He has a family history of abuse--he was physically or psychologically abused as a child, or his mother was battered by his father.
bullet He has a violent streak or temper that's out of proportion to the incident in question.
bullet He is basically contemptuous of women.
bullet He has a fetish for guns or other weapons, and claims he keeps them around to protect himself from others.
bullet He uses drugs.
bullet He commits acts of violence against objects and things rather than people.
bullet He drinks excessively.
bullet He displays unusual jealousy and possessiveness when you're not with him.
bullet He questions you about time spent away from him.
bullet He becomes enraged when you don't listen to his advice.
bullet He has a dual personality. One minute he's cruel and critical; the next minute he's kind and loving.
bullet His emotions are in overdrive. When he's angry, he's a madman who's consumed by rage. When he's in a loving mood, he lavishes you with candy, flowers and gifts.
bullet His anger so frightens you that you try hard not to make him angry.
bullet He considers himself a macho man.
bullet You sense that you're being treated abusively.
bullet He's not above pushing or shoving you around when he's angry.
bullet He's rough during lovemaking, or has physically forced himself on you when you weren't really in the mood.
bullet He's extremely critical of you.
bullet He demands to know where you are at every waking moment.
bullet He's had a string of unsuccessful relationships or marriages.
bullet He has very low self-esteem.
bullet He believes all the myths about battering.
bullet He holds traditional family values and feels that women are the "weaker"sex.
bullet He believes in male supremacy and stereotypical masculine sex role in the family.
bullet He is bisexual.
bullet He doesn't believe his violent behavior should have negative consequences.
bullet He has an unusual relationship with his mother, which borders on love-hate.
bullet Most people think he's a real charmer.
bullet He tries to control your life--what you do, whom you see, and what you think.
bullet He frequently uses violent language and calls you obscene names.

If you answered "yes" to five or more of the above questions, you may be in over your head--a victim or soon-to-be-victim of battering. While these tendencies are certainly not definite signs that a man is a batterer, they indicate that he has the potential to become one. Don't take chances with your life and health. Get help now and avoid getting caught in the vicious CYCLE OF ABUSE.