Five types of violence of high-conflict divorcing families identified by Dr. Janet R. Johnston

On-Going and Episodic Male Battering most closely resembles the battered wife syndrome described by Lenore Walker and may be present in up to 18% of high-conflict divorcing families. In this type, potential for violence remains high after separation.

Female-Initiated Violence (where women ALWAYS initiate the physical attack) may be present in up to 15% of high-conflict divorcing families. Moderately severe violence can occur if the men lose control while restraining these attacking women.

Separation-Engendered and Post-Divorce Trama: Violence occurs ONLY during or after the separation period with no violence during the marriage itself and may be present in up to 25% of high-conflict divorcing families. The physical violence is generally initiated by the parent who feels abandoned and this can be either the man or the woman.

Male-Controlling Interactive Violence escalates from mutual verbal provocation and insults into physical struggles and may be present in up to 20% of high-conflict divorcing families. Either parent initiates physical aggression, however, the man asserts control by physically dominating and overpowering the woman. The men in this type become more dangerous and threatening the more she struggles and counterattacks.

Psychotic and Paranoid Reactions result in violence generated by disordered thinking and serious distortions of reality involving paranoia and may be present in up to 6% of high-conflict divorcing families. In all of these cases, the separation itself triggers an accute phase of danger.

Effects of Battering Over Time On:

Women:

• isolation from others
• low self-esteem, depression
• increased alcohol or drug abuse
• emotional problems, illness
• pain and injuries
• permanent physical damage
• death

Children:

• emotional problems, illness
• increased fears, anger
• increased risk of abuse, injuries, and death
• reptition of abuse behavior

Men:

• increased belief that power and control are achieved by violence
• increase in violent behavior
• increased contact with law enforcement
• increased emotional problems
• decreased self-esteem

Society:

• increase in crime
• increase in legal, police, prison, medical, and counseling costs
• perpetuation of cycle of violence
• perpetuation of myths of inequality of women and men
• decrease in quality of life

Using Physical and Sexual Violence to get Power and Control

Using Intimidation:

• making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
• smashing things
• destrying her property
• abusing pets
• displaying weapons

Using Emotional Abuse:

• putting her down
• making her feel bad about herself
• calling her names
• making her think she's crazy
• playing mind games and humiliating her
• making her feel guilty

Using Isolation:

• controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes
• limiting her outside involvement
• using jealousy to justify actions

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:

• making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously
• saying the abuse didn't happen
• shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
• saying she caused it

Using Children:

• making her feel guilty about the children
• using the children to relay messages
• using visitation to harass her
• threatening to take the children away

Using Male Privilege:

• treating her like a servant
• making all the big decisions
• acting like the "master of the castle"
• being the one to define men's and women's roles

Using Economic Abuse:

• preventing her from getting or keeping a job
• making her ask for money
• giving her an allowance
• taking her money
• not letting her know about or have access to family income

Using Coercion and Threats:

• making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
• threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare
• making her drop charges
• making her do illegal things

Instead, Use Non-Violence and Equality

Non-Threatening Behavior:

• talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herslef and doing things

Respect:

• listening to her nonjudgmentally
• beling emotionally affirming and understanding
• valuing opinions

Trust and Support:

• supporting her goals in life
• respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions

Honesty and Accountability:

• accepting responsibility for self
• acknowledging past use of violence
• admitting being wrong
• communicating openly and truthfully

Responsible Parenting:

• sharing parental responsibilties
• being a positive non-violent role mode for the children

Shared Responsibility:

• mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work
• making family decisions together

Economic Partnership:

• making money decisions together
• making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements

Negotiation and Fairness:

• seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict
• accepting change
• being willing to compromise

For more information, go to Domestic Violence.

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